Salton Sea and Grandma Sally

The Salton Sea and the Rule of Three’s

Omen #1

On the California Highway 111 we arrived at the border patrol security stop where the officer proceeded to ask us “So, where you two headed today?”

“The Salton Sea.” Jen Replied

“The Salton Sea?” the officer asked “Then where?”

This should have been our warning, but what the hell did we know. We were just looking for something to check out. After all I’d seen some movies that mentioned the place like “Into the Wild” and “The Salton Sea” but nothing prepared us for what was ahead. We drove a little more up the road until we finally saw the water. It was bigger than I had expected (That’s what she said). Jen drove a little more and then we found a spot where we could get to the shoreline. The sign stated “Bombay Beach turn left.”

Omen #2

The turn off definitely read “Beach” but it was far from a beach unless you take the loose definition of a shore line. The short little drive from the road to the “beach” was blocking in about a square mile or two of shitty mobile homes and boarded up trailers. All Jen and I could think was “Who would want to live here?”

Omen #3

The first set of steps that led to the “beach” was comprised of broken wood planks that led to some poles with a lock and chain sagging across it. The next opening was gated up as well, so we took in more of the pleasant scenery of the abandoned mobile homes. The third one was open so we drove on up and boom, there is the magnificent* body of water.

*Editor’s note: The term magnificent is loosely used in this context.

We parked the wagon and noticed a couple of guys fishing as well as 3 or 4 kids swimming and then we thought that things were starting to look promising. We had seen a bunch of birds that looked like cranes, some others that I think were a couple of pelicans and either a hawk or maybe a falcon as I am no bird expert. We then grabbed our cameras and a couple bottles of water and started walking. As we got closer to the “beach” I started hearing crunching sounds under my feet.

What could this be?

The first things that came to mind were:

A.) shells that washed up

B.) loose or uneven gravel

C.) broken glass.

But it was a trick question because the answer was

D.) none of the above.

The truth behind the crunch was dead washed up fish and there were tons of them. By tons I mean at least one dead fish for every two square feet for as far back as fifteen feet from the water line.

After seeing the dead fish I started to question the intelligence of the guys that were fishing as well as the kids that were swimming. This is the moment that we decided to make this a short stop. After snapping some pictures of the various birds (which were the highlight of the stop) and other broken down and defunct architecture, we got back in the car and drove off.

The original plan was to hang out, do some kayaking, and sleep at the Salton Sea campground and then meet up with Jen’s Grandma Sally in the morning. Things changed after witnessing the water and its surroundings. Jen picked up her phone and called Sally which then proceeded to move the next days breakfast to that days lunch/dinner.

Grandma Sally’s

We arrived at the big yellow house and were greeted by the classic little old grandma that you read about in nursery rhymes. Sally treated us to an amazing spread of sandwich fixings with all the works. With condiments and side dishes it covered more than half of her kitchen table. There was easily enough food to feed a family of 15 but the three of us ate like royalty.

With the food came great conversation. It’s interesting to be around someone who is about 50 years my senior and has pretty much the same opinions on most all subjects, from politics and current events to books and movies the likeness and open-mindedness is spellbinding. Sally stays relevant and is plenty fun to talk to. We discussed much of everything from family to the future stops on our trip and before we knew it almost 5 hours had passed.

It’s hard to leave an environment like Sally’s house. The living room alone is filled with a whole wall of floor to ceiling bookshelves lined with classic books like her F. Scott Fitzgerald collection, complete with newspaper clippings of reviews and articles on the book and so forth. Spread throughout the house is her collection of fiesta ceramics ware, which is also very awesome. If you haven’t seen fiesta ware it is often brightly colored plates, bowls, teapots, etc. that is made in the art deco style of construction. Sally also has a 9 month old, full of life puppy in the breed of boxer. Ernesto (Yes, you heard correctly Ernesto is the totally awesome name given to the dog) pushes the boundaries of this poor woman, but you can see the love in both of their eyes. The love continues to gleam when Ernesto was jumping up to lean on the counter to say “hi.” Oh, and I forgot to mention her making us jealous by whipping out her new ipad. I'm not a huge Apple proponent but it's pretty sweet. Finally it was time for the last goodbyes as we backed down the driveway and headed back to the highway.

Random Facts

Number of dead fish at the Salton Sea = infinite

Number of border patrol check points between Yuma and the Salton Sea = 3

Number of potted plants Ernesto picked up and carried around the yard = 1

In the words of Edward R. Murrow

“Goodnight, and Good Luck”

Yuma, Az AKA The Surface of the Sun

You know how when you do something repetitive or play a game for too long (Tetris for instance) that you start to see, think, and dream in terms of that activity. Well we have been submersed into a game that does just that. The game also has a racist twist to it (like all good games right?) for it is named the Mexican train game.

Jen's grandpa, Dale "the player" Hunter (nicknamed the player for his love of card games, board games, lawn games, golf, and of course, younger women) and Jeanne (dale's girlfriend, pronounced "Genie") laid this Mexican Train game upon us and took us by storm. In the three days that we were in Yuma we must have played at least 7 or 8 games of it. These games are not 10 or 15 minute matches either, they are marathons that can last a good hour or two if you play it right.

The game is simple. It's played with a double 12 domino set and you must link your dominoes together end to end like a train. Every player gets their own train track to work on to which no one else can play on until you cannot play for a turn. There is also a free track to which anyone can play which is called the Mexican (aka the lazy Mexican, merry Mexican, etc) There is a lot of strategy as you can block people or throw a double tile down which can all change the course of the game. The game is played until some uses up all their tiles and the remaining players tally up the points they have left. Mexican Train ends when someone reaches 100pts and the winner is the person with the least amount of points. The game even comes loaded with variously colored little trains to mark your tracks and a train that lights up and makes train sounds that you can obnoxiously hit when you win a match.

The deeply immersing nature of the game has led me to see how I can link pretty much every object i see to another object based on some sort of pattern, much like Tetris. Mexican train aside for now as we also played various games like the card game 13's and even a really professional game of ladder ball, to which has been given the racist name of hillbilly golf by the good folks in Yuma (gotta love it.)

Besides just playing parlor games we also drove about 15 miles and then proceeded to walk across the border into Algodones, Mexico. We traveled down for an early dinner and to see if dale could pick up some cheap prescriptions. You see, in Mexico you don't need a prescription for a lot of different drugs and they are usually marked down about 85% or should I say marked up by the United States pharmaceutical industry by 85% as they are the same manufacturers and everything, even in English but I digress because it makes me a little angry. Anyways we sat down for a nice dinner of carne asada tacos and fajitas and such, but something was amiss.








Where were all the people telling me that bracelets and rings and Mexican wrestling masks were almost free? The town seemed as if a bomb went off. We were told that the place is poppin off the chain in the winter and that Yuma itself gains about 2 or 3 fold its population during that time. Retired snowbirds flock to the desert when its cold and leave once the heat shows its ugly face. A pretty good idea if you ask me. This was the first time I've been in Mexico and have not been overtly bombarded by people trying to sell me just about everything. Weird, right? Sidewalk vendors were empty with tarps and metal sheds looking like they had been excavated and left to rust. In the end, it was a nice change of pace and the food was excellente (I'm pretty sure that isn't a word)

Dale and Jeanne have also become the foster parents for a bunch of neighborhood cats (of which I wish we had pictures of) that have become pets that live outdoors. They show up in the morning for breakfast and hang out on the back porch all day until supper time. There are about 4 of them that come and go as they please. The foster cats have even been given names; Cleo(short for Cletus), Tigger, Patrick, and Marble Cat. Marble cat likes to get into fights and causes all kinds of disruptions amongst the group. The whole situation is quite funny as these cats even jump into cars when the doors are open and all sorts of craziness.

On a side note I would like to ask anyone over the age of 60 if they have the white shower head that has about 5 different water functions to choose from. It seems like almost all of the houses in which I have showered that happen to belong to an older person all have the same shower head. I am starting to wonder if it is sent out by AARP or given as a retirement gift by the government. I'm on to you old people. (sorry grandparents)

On our last full day, Jen and I traveled down to the local bakery, Kneaders, to grab a sandwich for lunch and steal some of their open wireless. We ordered up a club sandwich to split that was delightful. It really was a great meal that came with some potato soup and a soda for about 10 bucks. After messing around the internet and taking care of business we noticed we'd been sitting there for about 2 hours or so and decided it was time to leave.

We made a quick stop at Lowe's to pick up a little washer part and then walked over to a used bookstore. The place had a decent selection but was severely unorganized and rather overpriced since some not so classic books were priced higher than their original prices, blasphemy. We did however pick up a couple of books from our youth that we've wanted to read again like Hatchet, The Outsiders, and The White Mountains. I also found some weird little paperback sized comic books based on Houdini and The Beatles for 50 cents which should be a good read. Add these books to our Mark Twain anthology of short stories and we have a good selection of summer reading ahead.

After the bookstore we drudged our way through the heat back to the house for a quick card game followed by some pizza and then another epic ride on the Mexican train. We had a great time and wish nothing but the best Dale and Jeanne. We are gonna miss those great stories of their many adventures that they both love to tell, but we must press on as we have to start looking for that next domino to add to the end of our track.

Stay tuned next time for a wrap up of The Salton Sea, A visit with Jen's Grandma Sally, The Late Late Show with Craig Fergusen, and possibly the first public spaceport.
Same bat time. Same bat channel.







Random facts section
Walmart count = 4
Times filled up on gas = 3
Days away from Vegas = 8
Days spent camping = 0

It Begins.

So the woes began as we set apart from vegas. It was about 630 in the morning on Thursday, June 17th and we had packed everything as tight as could be and were ready to start our venture down to Phoenix. Jen got in the Mercedes and I plopped into my truck, turned the key, and was severely let down. The truck would not turn over. After messing around with it, trying to jump it, and everything else imaginable we waited until about 8 to call our mechanic, Roje, who had worked on both cars over the past two weeks, he offered to make a house call and try to get us on our way. The only problem was that someone obviously put a hex on us leaving town and it threw a monstrous wrench into our gears. We tried all day to no avail to make the truck start and after giving up Roje graciously allowed us to leave the truck overnight so that Supermom and her sidekick Ultra Brother could come to our rescue. So, the next morning, Sean and friends came with a tow trailer and we popped the truck on the trailer and were on our way.

Sean towed the truck down to Phoenix while Jen and I packed the car a bit better and set off in the Mercedes. We were on our way to a lovely drive from Vegas to Phoenix in the nice hot weather that the mojave desert is so notably known for when we hear a nice rumble from the front of the car. I look in the side mirror to see some of our tire tread trailing behind us, I could have sworn I saw a middle finger pop up from the rubber as it skipped along the asphalt. I pulled the car over to the shoulder and looked at Jen as we both start laughing our asses off. It was perfect. Honestly what else could go wrong?

The fun part of changing the tire was that we had to move all of our stuff, that was completely packed inside the car with pretty much no wiggle room to begin with, to get to the spare tire. The fun began as we unpacked the car, got the spare, put it on the car, and repacked. It was all accomplished in a rather quick 20-30 minutes, not too shabby if I might say so myself. Now, you might say all is done and well, what else could possibly go wrong, and we would agree, but for starters the spare tire which looked to be full sized is in actuality a tad bit smaller than the rest, which caused a nice pull in the steering, and per Murphy's law we decided to take it a bit slower than we wanted to.

So the tire adventure started a bit outside of Laughlin and right around that time the AC stopped being as cold in the car. At this point we have a laundry list of negatives so one more can’t hurt, so why the hell not, right? Windows down, heads up, we marched on to Laughlin to find a Walmart to get some tires that will be covered across the country. We finally got there and it was going to be at least a 3 hour wait said the lovely Laughlin native who had about 5 or 6 teeth that I could count. Jen and I glanced at each other and decided to keep moving to Kingman.

Kingman Arizona is also known as the butt cheek of Arizona, because it’s not as bad as some places, but its pretty darn close. We get to the Walmart and it too was going to be about a 3 hour wait, but we had to do it, so we dropped the car off and went to get some lunch. We walked outside into the roughly 105 degree heat and spotted a cracker barrel, of which I had heard good things about. We trudged on over and sat down and ordered up a nice little chicken platter to share. Why share you might ask? Well we’ve come to terms that when we eat out we almost always have food leftover that gets trashed or we eat too much and regret it. The solution to our problems is to share food and if we are hungry order more. It is a simple plan that will continue through the rest of the trip. The food was pretty good and the waitress we had was very nice as she must have caught wind of our magical fifty dollar bill and didn’t want any part of it.

After lunch there was a bit more time to kill so we stepped outside and noticed some pretty sweet rocking chairs and decided that a nice rock or two would feel pretty nice right about that time. After rocking it for a bit we noticed an over sized checkers game set up that took up the next chunk of our lives. Game over. Jen won. It was a fluke.

Walmart was done with our car and we were pretty much set for the rest of the trip to Phoenix.

On arrival to the parents’ house, it felt so damn good to finally be done with the day. We had been working on getting from Vegas to Phoenix for roughly 36 hours and it was finally done with. Enter relaxation mode. Never was sleep so welcomed in my life. It's not that we were tired as much as we were just flat out exhausted. There was a lot of sitting around and doing nothing until the Yankees/Diamondbacks game. Long story short D-Backs scored about 4 or 5 runs in the first inning and the Yankees got their asses kicked. Bummer.

The next couple days were fairly productive as I made some blueberry muffins and granola bars for our trip, changed the fuel filters and such in the car and after a bunch of trouble shooting got the AC running again. This is when we decided that our bad luck had come to an end. (fingers crossed)

The moral of the story is that Roje from Top Car Service is an awesome guy and my family is the best in the world. Despite the shortcomings the trip is already a good decision.